Chase: Now that I’m getting far in math, I’m going to have to use a RULER for math!
    ~April 2020 [Chase: 7 years old]

Dad: I am going to go take a shower.

Symphony: Why you take a shower?

Dad: Because I kinda smell bad.

Symphony (incredulous): You… poopied?… in you panties?
    ~April 2020 [Symphony: 2 years 4 months old]

Dad: Chase, could you please put this in the mailbox for me?

Chase: Well, I don’t know how to mail anything, but I do know how to GET mail.
    ~March 2020 [Chase: 7 years old]

Chase: Dad, do serial killers kill people or eat cereal?
    ~December 2019 [Chase: 7 years old]

Chase: Harmony is a big fan of Patrick Mahomes. I got a Patrick Mahomes doll for Christmas, and Harmony wanted to buy it from me for $1.50!

Daddy: Oh, did you sell it to her?

Chase: Yeah. But if I had 2 Patrick Mahomes dolls and a soccer ball, I probably wouldn't have sold it, 'cuz then I could make them play soccer together.
    ~December 2019 [Harmony: 10 years old, Chase: 7 years old]

Charity (showing a toy light-up wand): It has three settings. First, it goes crazy. Then it kind of flashes a bit. Then it goes crazy again!
    ~December 2019 [Charity: 9 years old]

Chase: Mom, you know what I liked best about “A Christmas Story: Live?” I liked that they said the F-Word...but they actually said “fudge.”
    ~December 2019 [Chase: 7 years old]

Chase: Hey, Tony, will you play chutes and ladders with me?

Tony: Chase, that game is like 80% luck and 20%… Luck.
    ~December 2019 [Tony: 13 years old, Chase: 7 years old]

Chase: What is 100 times happy meal?

Charity: 100 happy meals.

Chase: Good job.
    ~November 2019 [Charity: 9 years old, Chase: 7 years old]

Chase: What's the best place to go for food if you're poor?

Dad: I don't know, Chase.

Chase: CHURCH! Their donuts are free! And you can even learn about God for free!
    ~October 2019 [Chase: 7 years old]

Harmony (watching a movie with a couple kissing): Ewww gross! It's like they're looking for food in each other's mouths!
    ~September 2019 [Harmony: 10 years old]

Charity (watching Angel practice sign language): Why are you doing sign language? Are you getting ready to be deaf?
    ~August 2019 [Angel: 14 years old, Charity: 9 years old]

Chase: Dad, why is there a place called Pennsylvania? It makes it sound like it's like raining pens or like there are just pens everywhere!
    ~August 2019 [Chase: 7 years old]

Charity: I cried at Mindy's wedding. I was really happy.

Christine: Yeah, it was a great wedding, wasn't it? Because Mindy and Brice honored God in their relationship, they now get to spend the rest of their lives together.

Charity: And they get to see each other naked.
    ~August 2019 [Charity: 9 years old]

Chase: Hey, Charity, there was an Andrew that came to our house one time, but not the Andrew with the Switch...Well, he might have had a Switch but the Andrew that we know mostly is the one who stole your Switch.
    ~July 2019 [Charity: 9 years old, Chase: 7 years old]

Chase: Do you remember how Mufasa dies in the Lion King movie?

Christine: Yeah, he was run over by wildebeests.

Chase: No, he was trying to climb the cliff and Scar knocked him off and he died by fall damage.
    ~July 2019 [Chase: 7 years old]

Chase (watching "My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean" by Cedarmont Kids): MOM! They are totally not ACTUALLY on the ocean! Know how I can tell? Their swords are plastic AND I can see the playground!
    ~July 2019 [Chase: 7 years old]

Harmony: Why does the car say "PLEASE fasten your seatbelt" instead of just "Fasten your seatbelt"?

Charity: Maybe it wants to be polite.

Harmony: It shouldn't be. You're breaking the law.
    ~July 2019 [Harmony: 10 years old, Charity: 9 years old]

Daddy: I think that girl might have Asperger's.

Harmony: What are those? What are "A-word burgers"?
    ~June 2019 [Harmony: 10 years old]

Harmony: Why can't I get a phone?

Daddy: You can get a phone when you're all grown up.

Harmony: I'm plenty grown-up! I know what politics are!
    ~May 2019 [Harmony: 10 years old]

Angel: Chase, it's time for you to go to bed.

Chase: Can I play games in my head?

Angel: Yeah, I guess that's fine.
(One hour later, Chase is still lying in bed staring at the ceiling)

Angel: Chase, you were supposed to go to sleep!

Chase: I'm playing games in my head! I got to level 160!
    ~May 2019 [Angel: 14 years old, Chase: 6 years old]

Charity (after running into the house with her neighbor Sarah): I'm eggausted!… I don't know what "eggausted" means, but people say that when they're running. Phew! I'm EGGAUSTED!
    ~April 2019 [Charity: 8 years old]

Chase: Oh no! It's Dirt Boss! Well, he's no match for my MOP POWER!! (*squirts mop*... *mops floor*)
    ~March 2019 [Chase: 6 years old]

Charity: Dad, if Angel is driving then I want to come with you, but if you are driving then I'd rather stay here. It's not that I don't think you're a good driver or that you're going to kill us all or something.

Angel: Charity, I'm more likely to kill us all than dad is.

Charity: I know!
    ~March 2019 [Angel: 14 years old, Charity: 8 years old]

Chase: My buttcheek is connected to my foot! See? From my butt to my foot, it's just a straight line down my leg!
    ~March 2019 [Chase: 6 years old]

Charity: When does work give you money? Like every day?

Daddy: No, more like every two weeks.

Charity: Every TWO weeks?! I'd be so mad at that work! I'd be like, "I'm working hard!! Give me MONEYYYYY!!!!"
    ~February 2019 [Charity: 8 years old]

Mom: Okay, Harmony, spell "METHOD"

Harmony: M-E-T-H-H-E-A-D

Mom: …no more internet for you.
    ~February 2019 [Harmony: 10 years old]

Chase: Let's do it on Tuesday, 'cuz that's my lucky day.

Daddy: Why is Tuesday your lucky day?

Chase: I have the easiest chores that day.
    ~February 2019 [Chase: 6 years old]

Harmony: Mom, I've decided I want to change out my closet to have only old timey dresses.

Mommy: What do you mean "Old timey dresses"?

Harmony: Dresses they wore in the 1980s.
    ~February 2019 [Harmony: 10 years old]

Daddy: Sometimes people are good at some things and not as good at others. For example, if someone were to hire you to do Scratch work, you would probably do a really good job! But if they hired you to do JavaScript you would probably say "Uh...I don't know how to do that."

Harmony: No, I would take the job and then just type random things.
    ~February 2019 [Harmony: 10 years old]

Dad: Touchdown! Go Chiefs!

Harmony: A touchdown is worth 6 points!

Dad: That's right, Harmony! And what can you do immediately after a touchdown?

Harmony: Gloat.
    ~January 2019 [Harmony: 9 years old]

Tony: Mustard seeds don't grow into big trees, do they?

Harmony: yes they do!! They get reeeeaaaaally big!!

Chase: I think ketchup trees are bigger.
    ~January 2019 [Tony: 13 years old, Harmony: 9 years old, Chase: 6 years old]

Harmony: You STILL have more work to do?

Dad: I feel like you kids don't think about how much you benefit from all the work I do. You don't think about the fact that you get nice things, and electricity when you want it, and a big comfy house—all because I'm willing to go to work.

Harmony: I think about how big our house is every time I lose something and can't find it.
    ~December 2018 [Harmony: 9 years old]

Charity: Harmony says the more stuff you put on your Christmas list, the less greedy you are because it just means you want everything.
    ~November 2018 [Harmony: 9 years old, Charity: 8 years old]

Charity: Mom, that street sign says "No outlet". None of those houses have electricity!
    ~November 2018 [Charity: 8 years old]

Chase: The worst cuss word is the F-word. And I do NOT want to learn how to make the F-word with your pinky!... or maybe it's ring.

Mom: You mean the middle finger?

Chase: No, the middle finger doesn't cuss. It's either the pinky or the ring finger.
    ~October 2018 [Chase: 6 years old]

Mom: Symphony has her first tooth!

Charity: She does?!

Mom: Yep! She has a tooth on the bottom!

Charity: HOORAAA--Wait! On her BOTTOM??!!
    ~October 2018 [Charity: 8 years old, Symphony: 10 months old]

Daddy: One of our friends was a sniper in the army!

Charity: He's a sniper? I don't want to be near him.

Tony: Actually if he's a sniper, you don't want to be far away from him.
    ~September 2018 [Tony: 12 years old, Charity: 8 years old]

Harmony: What do I push after the garage passcode again?

Mommy: It's either enter or pound.

Harmony: Pound?

Mommy: ...hashtag.

Harmony: Oh!
    ~September 2018 [Harmony: 9 years old]

Chase: Oh mom! I know why spaghetti sauce is a heavy food! It's 'cause when you hold a jar of spaghetti sauce, it's kinda heavy!
    ~September 2018 [Chase: 6 years old]